


we don't have to look back now

by gilligankane



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-27
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-09-20 04:02:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9474860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gilligankane/pseuds/gilligankane
Summary: Maggie Sawyer doesn't look back. (She left Nebraska without even a glance in her rearview mirror.) But Alex Danvers has her walking backwards just to make sure she doesn't miss a moment.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Who even knows. Slight-ish spoilers up through 2x09.
> 
> Side note: Alex Danvers saying 'You're wearing my t-shirt' is everything I ever wanted to say to my wife the first time she poured me coffee in my kitchen.

Maggie Sawyer doesn't look back.

She left Nebraska without even a glance in her rearview mirror. The fact that her broken-down Nissan didn't have a rearview mirror meant nothing - she wouldn't have looked back even if it had. There was nothing to be gained from looking behind her, from turning around and thinking,  _Maybe I should just go back_. 

She carries that philosophy with her across the flyover states and all the way through the Academy. Girls come and go, partners come and go, but Maggie keeps her eyes on the horizon and goes, goes, _goes_ until that Detective's badge is clipped to her belt. Even then, she keeps moving. No one stays long and when they inevitably leave, Maggie never worries for too long. 

It's not worth her time, she reasons.

There's no need to linger on the past.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.

But Alex Danvers is going to be the reason she drowns.

Alex keeps her coming back. 

At first, Maggie thinks it's just been a while. It's been a while since a girl has pulled her in, has magnetized her the way that Alex has. Because that's exactly what it is - this kind of magnetism in Alex's smile, in the tilt of her head, in the way she takes Maggie's shit, studies it, and dishes it back. 

Maggie isn't used to nice things - she still drives her Nissan, even if it's one tire from being declared scrap metal - and Alex is nice, so nice,  _too_ nice for Maggie. And when she realizes that, she pushes just a little until Alex inches back. Maggie can breathe again but as soon as she sucks in a breath, Alex steals it with a kiss.

Then Alex leaves and Maggie is left with two beers sweating on a pool table.

She could say,  _forget about it_.

She could do what she always does and write off Alex Danvers and whatever they had.

She could go to the gym and run off the ache in her chest until she feels it in her lungs instead.

But Alex Danvers makes her look back.

And it hurts.

She chases Alex Danvers, finds her in a parking lot and begs her to be friends again. She gets blown off -  _dismissed_ , really - and she goes to her apartment and sulks. She paces her living room and she wonders why the hell she even tried. 

Alex is different. Alex is intriguing. Alex is the first person she's met since leaving Nebraska that makes her want to try to stick around. And it all means nothing, because they're not friends. They never were.

But the longer she spends without Alex, the more she misses her. She wonders, briefly, if she's going insane. Maybe she needs to get laid. Maybe she needs a new gun. She does both and spends the rest of the day at the shooting range until her ears ring. It doesn't help. Alex Danvers's face is still the only thing she can see. Alex's arms around her is the only thing she can feel. She levels her new Beretta, the 92 she's been eying, at the target and sees herself pulling away from Alex's kiss. Every shot hits center mass.

When her ears stop ringing and she's tossed back a whisky, she finds her way to Alex's apartment and she wonders, as she knocks, what the hell she's doing. Maggie Sawyer doesn't look back. She doesn't chase girls who might be straight or who might not actually be straight at all. She doesn't push girls away when they kiss her and when they tell they can't be friends, she doesn't follow behind them like a kicked puppy.

Except she does and she is.

And it gets worse. She follows and she follows. Alex Danvers is right behind her and Maggie Sawyer looks back with every step, to make sure her  _friend_ hasn't gone anywhere.

The word  _friend_ hurts but she knows it's her fault. She knows she has no right to be upset because she pushed and pushed and Alex let her back in again, probationary period only, and she doesn't intend to screw it up. She doesn't know why it matters, she can't put her finger on it yet, but she takes  _friend_ and wears it right next to her Detective's badge.

It doesn't stop her from answering when the phone rings. It doesn't stop her from charging into a building with her gun drawn, because Alex asked. Instead, she watches two aliens face off and she watches the one not on her side aim right at her and she watches Supergirl become the ceiling become Supergirl again.

She wakes up and Alex is standing next to her, smiling as softly as she stitches.

In that one moment, right before she opens her own mouth and says something stupid - she knows she will - Maggie Sawyer knows she is screwed. That, or Alex really is a magnet and Maggie's heart is made of metal. That, or Alex is like Maggie's N*Sync phase that she'll never really grow out of but doesn't talk about. Ever. That, or Maggie Sawyer is breaking her own rules for this woman and she's still screwed no matter what the answer really is.

Maggie has always been about breaking everyone else's rules.

Not her own.

Never her own.

But kissing Alex Danvers is worth the look back. It's worth turning around and trying again, even if every fiber of her being screamed ' _no!_ _'_ as it happened. It's worth swallowing her pride because Alex Danvers kisses her like the world is ten seconds away from imploding and every moment counts. Alex kisses her like she's trying to breathe after being stuck underwater. Alex kisses her like she matters, like she's important, like she's  _grateful_ that Maggie even exists.

She tries to remember all of this when Alex calls her  _this_ a mistake.

She can see something is going on, something big. It's resting on the edge of Alex's shoulders and in Hank's jawline. But it still hurts - the word  _mistake_ rattles around between her ears like an echo, like she screamed it into the Grand Canyon just to have it bounce back into her face. It still feels like shit and it's obvious that Alex feels it too, but it doesn't change anything. She dismisses Maggie without so much as a backwards glance, heading deep into the DEO where Maggie can't follow.

It's crushing in a way that takes her 45 minutes to leave, to sit in her car and punch the steering wheel a few times. It's crushing in a way that makes it hard to get home and when she does, she throws Alex's t-shirt into her laundry pile. It sits on top of her dirty clothes, mocking her, until she wads it up and shoves it between her mattress and boxspring. She lies in bed and feels the weight of Alex's  _mistake_ settle on her chest. 

Her phone rings and the weight moves to her stomach, making her nauseous. Alex wants to see her, wants to talk to her, wants to explain and apologize.

But Maggie Sawyer doesn't look back.

She moves forward. She doesn't get left behind; she does the leaving. Pedal to the floor, eyes on the horizon, no rearview mirror movie glances back.

She doesn't waste her time on the past, on the mistakes she's made.

Alex has already messed this up enough. Alex has already made her break her pattern and see what it's gotten her? 

Alex Danvers won't be the reason she looks back again.

She won't.

She can't be.

Maggie Sawyer doesn't look back; she never has.

But standing in front of Alex's door, taking a deep breath before she knocks, she wonders, quietly and briefly, how much she must have missed by never turning around. Who had gotten away? What else could have gone unnoticed?

Alex Danvers kisses her and Maggie Sawyer vows to never let this pass her by.

 


End file.
